Ce nu stiati despre mine

Nu am chef sa traduc, asa ca English please:

1. Marius Sescu can delete the Recycling Bin.
2. Marius Sescu does not sleep. He waits.
3. Once a cobra bit Marius Sescu’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
4. Superman owns a pair of Marius Sescu pajamas.
5. Marius Sescu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
6. Marius Sescu beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
7. Marius Sescu can speak braille.
8. Marius Sescu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
9. Marius Sescu can slam revolving doors.
10. Marius Sescu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
11. On his birthday, Marius Sescu randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
12. Marius Sescu once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
13. Giraffes were created when Marius Sescu uppercutted a horse.
14. Marius Sescu sleeps with a night light. Not because Marius Sescu is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Marius Sescu
15. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Marius Sescu ate Kobayashi.
16. Marius Sescu counted to infinity – twice.
17. Marius Sescu once stated that he “doesn’t wail on sissy boys.” This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Marius Sescu was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
18. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Marius Sescu can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck he wants.
19. The word “lesbian” derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as “She who has not yet been introduced to Marius Sescu.”
20. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Marius Sescu.
21. Marius Sescu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
22. Marius Sescu is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
23. Marius Sescu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
24. Whenever Marius Sescu plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he’s not some sissy who can’t climb up a plastic slide.
25. Marius Sescu owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
26. When Marius Sescu gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
27. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Marius Sescu’s basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
28. On a high school math test, Marius Sescu put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Marius Sescu solves all his problems with Violence.
29. Marius Sescu played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
30. Marius Sescu can kill two stones with one bird.
31. Marius Sescu puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
32. Marius Sescu’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Marius Sescu.
33. Marius Sescu wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
34. Marius Sescu destroyed the periodic table, saying Marius Sescu only recognizes the element of surprise.
35. If Marius Sescu wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
36. Santa Claus actually did exist until he accidentally skipped Marius Sescu’s house one Christmas.
37. Marius Sescu became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
38. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Marius Sescu punched himself in the face.
39. The last man who made eye contact with Marius Sescu was Ray Charles.
40. Crop circles are Marius Sescu’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
41. Marius Sescu had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Marius Sescu went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
42. Marius Sescu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
43. Marius Sescu once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
44. Marius Sescu invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
45. Getting murdered by Marius Sescu counts as a natural cause of death.
46. Onions do not make Marius Sescu cry. Marius Sescu makes onions crap themselves.
47. Marius Sescu irons his shirts while he’s wearing them.
48. Marius Sescu doesn’t have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Marius Sescu.
49. Only once has Marius Sescu ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
50. When Marius Sescu goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
51. The end result of the game “Clue” is always the same: Marius Sescu was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
52. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Marius Sescu has found too chewy to eat.
53. Marius Sescu can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
54. If you haven’t seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don’t bother, Marius Sescu wins.
55. Marius Sescu was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
56. The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Marius Sescu and forgot to pay him back.
57. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Marius Sescu says its beef, then it’s beef.
58. Marius Sescu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
59. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Marius Sescu.
60. Marius Sescu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
61. Marius Sescu does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
62. Marius Sescu used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
63. Marius Sescu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
64. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Marius Sescu is going to walk.
65. Marius Sescu has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
66. Marius Sescu does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
67. Marius Sescu doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
68. When Marius Sescu deletes files from his computer, he doesn’t send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
69. Marius Sescu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Marius Sescu goes killing.
70. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Marius Sescu could use to kill you, including the room itself.
71. Marius Sescu doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
72. Marius Sescu has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
73. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Marius Sescu, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
74. Marius Sescu doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
75. If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Marius Sescu laughing at you.
76. Marius Sescu can watch a season of “24” in just three hours.
77. Marius Sescu can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
78. Weeping Willows are a result of Marius Sescu yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
79. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Marius Sescu allows to live.
80. You are what you eat. That is why Marius Sescu’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
81. Marius Sescu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
82. Marius Sescu invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
83. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Marius Sescu has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
84. Marius Sescu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
85. Marius Sescu is the only one who can “try this at home.”
86. When Marius Sescu plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
87. Marius Sescu’s blood type is WD-40.
88. Marius Sescu’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Marius Sescu will not take crap from anyone.
89. Marius Sescu’s family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can’t see what’s in them.
90. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Marius Sescu and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
91. Marius Sescu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
92. When Marius Sescu gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.
93. Marius Sescu once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Marius Sescu still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.
94. Marius Sescu can tie his shoes with his feet.
95. When Marius Sescu enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
96. Circles exist because Marius Sescu beat the crap out of some squares.
97. Marius Sescu knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African AND European).
98. Marius Sescu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
99. Marius Sescu can make a paraplegic run for his life.
100. The only time Marius Sescu was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Sursa